Satiracl essay

Tired of having to set up difficult and bulky equipment to exercise and paying out your nose for expensive gym memberships and team sport fees? Fed up with the excessive public sweating, UV ray skin damage, and car emissions polluting the planet?
Well, Nintendo has come up with the perfect solution to help with all of these problems. Look no further than the Wii Fit and Wii Sport.
The Wii Fit is a amazing new piece of technology. It is a game that comes with a compact white board that you place on your floor in front of your TV and hook up to your Wii. Wii Sports is a game crammed full of games identical in almost every way to the worlds favorite spots. It can come with life like accessories to make it seem like you are actually playing the sports portrayed.
Don't want to spend $2.99 on a Hoola Hoop? Well you can play the virtual Hoola Hoop game. You stand on the Wii Fit board, spin your hips, and catch virtual Hoola Hoops.
Have no-one to play tennis with, or do not want to waste precious gas driving to a tennis court? Well, buy the Wii Tennis Racket and it is an almost life like interpretation of tennis, minus the running around and disgusting sweating.
Appalled by the price of yoga classes these days. Well, buy the Wii Yogo for Wii fit, and never have to pay for classes again. It may be the same classes over and over again, and they may all be standing up yoga postions, but you can save so much more money that you can spend on Starbucks coffee, Theater Popcorn, and gas.

(to be continued when my creativity comes to me)

We are Definetly Not Princesses Anymore, and This Ain't a Fairy Tail

Self mutilation, binge drinking, under age sexual intercourse, all of these habits have bad connotations, but did you know many teenage females in today’s society are participating in one or more of these things? In the May 10th edition of MacLean’s, Dr.Leomard Sax, a family physician, wrote an article called “Inside the Dangerously Empty Lives of Teenage Girls”. In this article, he describes the average lives and problems of teenage girls, and why. His two main points were that girls are feeling more anxiety over everything which leads to destructive and harmful habits, which parents need to pay more attention to what their teenage girls and that the times have changed and brought with them many new social cues and habits, and that parents and teenagers need to learn to adjust to them.

Sax’s first main point he stresses in his article is that girls are feeling much more anxiety which in today’s society, is absolutely true. According to the article they found out “that the average teenage girl today is more anxious than the average girl admitted to a psychiatric unit for in-patient treatment 50 years ago.” This anxiety is coming from many different things including stress from school, their social life, their looks, their habits, and their home life. Because of this anxiety that teenage girls are feeling, many of them are resorting to destructive habits and practices. “More than one in five girls” are cutting themselves in today’s society. To make themselves prettier, they obsess over food, dieting, clothing, and they even “spend […] time photoshopping their pictures.” To become more popular “they are cornering [boys] and giving them blow jobs”. To try and forget all their problems, they are drinking more and more, which is “more toxic for females”. This article clearly and accurately points out and describes what one of the main problems with teenage girls is in today’s society, anxiety.

Another point Sax makes is that parents need to pay attention more to their teenagers’ lives. In today’s society, parents try give their children as much “autonomy and independence” as possible, but they are still children and very new to this world. Our society is not like the 80’s. “In the ‘70s and ‘80s, sex was about intimacy” but sex is viewed very differently today. It is looked at as a “commodity that girls provide to boys.” Also, men you to look for women with meat on their bones because they would be preferable for raising children and that were considered attractive. Nowadays, skinny is pretty, and girls are doing anything to become this new image of beauty. If parents don’t “set limits” and pay attention to their children, then most teenage girls will keep on this harmful paths. They are young and many do not know restraint yet. He suggests to “monitoring […] what your daughter’s doing online.” Also, take away their cell phones at night. Many girls will get the most upsetting and anxiety striking texts in the middle of the night because it is the time when most people party. If parents don’t pay attention to their children, they could very well end up like Phoebe Prince “the girls in Massachusetts who recently committed suicide due to cyberbulling.” But this is not true for all teenage girls. Many do know restraint, and do not need all of these limits. Parent’s need to get to know their children, and when and if they do, they will be able to decide if they need to be watched more or not.

Girls may be doing better in “motivation and academic achievement” but when it comes to down to it, girls are failing in many of the essential skills need to prosper and grow. Dr.Leonard Sax gives substantial proof to this in his May 10th MacLean’s article “Inside the Dangerously Empty Lives of Teenage Girls”. He explains how the increase in anxiety in girls is leading to many of the harmful habits they have, and how times have changed and that parents need to pay more attention to what their teenagers are doing. Girls are not princesses anymore, and real life isn't a fairytale, and people need to understand that and do something about it.

No Shoes Day, April 8th!

So tomorrow, my school is planning to fundraise and participate in and for "A Day Without Shoes" and Soles4Souls. We are trying to help raise awareness for children in underdeveloped countries who have no shoes. Every dollar we raise will go towards buying 1 pair of shoes! So! (Mr.Vancamp, I know you are reading this :P) Take off your shoes for a day, and DONATE!

Ann Coulter~ Modern Day Racist

"Take a camel." Now, this sentence seems fairly innocent, but when you find out that it was said by American right-winger Ann Coulter, to a Muslim student at the University of Western Ontario, it takes on a whole other racist meaning. Ann Coulter, a social and political commentator, has described herself as a polemicist and someone who, according to a Wikipedia quote, "does not 'pretend to be impartial or balanced'". She has many racist views towards many different nationalities, races, and even sexes. She is especially racist towards Muslims, and on several different occasions, has made derogatory comments in speeches towards them, always brushing them off later as "jokes". She has written 7 books and many columns for different newspapers and journals, spoken and participated in interviews for TV and the radio, and has even appeared in three films.She is a very intelligent woman who has some very different and racist views on world events and people.

In 2010, Ann Coulter came to Canada to do a University Tour. A day before she was to speak at the University of Western Ontario, Francois Houle the provost of the University of Ottawa, sent Coulter an e-mail stating that "promoting hatred against any identifiable group would not only be considered inappropriate, but could in fact lead to criminal charges." Coulters reply was that by sending her this e-mail, Houle was promoting hatred against Conservatives. A few days later, her speech at the University of Ottawa was cancelled due to overly rowdy protesters outside of the university. Coulter`s security and organizers of the event decided it was to dangerous for her to present her speech. She was outraged and and ranted about how she has never had a speech cancelled and that she was “guessing the scores to get into the University of Ottawa are not very challenging.” This event has caused a lot of controversy and has people questioning not only why she was aloud in the country in the first place, but did she break any laws and how far is too far when it comes to The Feedom of Speech.

According to the criminal code of Canada, in sections 318 and 319, it is a criminal offence to advocate genocide, publicly incite hatred, and willfully promote hatred towards any "identifiable group." Also, in section 13 of the Canadian Human Rights Act prohibits the communication of messages that are likely to expose a person or persons to hatred or contempt. In her speeches, and Coulter broke both of these laws. She discriminated against Muslim`s with her "camel " comments and bashed all left wing views. A person can only take freedom of speech so far, but when you break two laws when enacting this "right", then you know that person has stepped over the line.

Freedom of speech is a right but not a "right" per se. It is a privilege. Any speech that promotes hate, suggests harm or death to another human being, should be made illegal and the speaker subject to prosecution. Ann Coulter has crossed the line numerous times in Canada, and their should be some legal action taken against her; just like how the Germans prosecute hate and Nazi speech. What is the difference between police men profiling and discriminating against the black community (which has gotten many police into trouble, and has mostly disappeared) and discriminating against "identifiable groups" in speeches. Both hurt those people, maybe not physically, but mentally, and both fuel the fire of racism and hate towards certain groups of people. If the world were to ignore this, and take no action, something like the Holocaust could happen again. We ignored what was happening Germany, and millions were killed. Canada needs to take action. Hasn`t the world learned anything from its past mistakes?

Damsel in Distress

One morning, at the crack of dawn, a little bird told me that a damsel in distress was locked in the highest room of the tallest tower in a castle protected by a fire breathing dragon. I got onto my trusty steed and we were on our way. I raced towards the castle, the wind blowing through my hair. I had nerves of steel and a fountain of energy to help me defeat this man eating beast. As I approached the castle, I started to get cold feet. I saw fire spew forth from the court yard. My blood ran cold and I wondered if I had bitten of more than I could chew. I decided to just go with the flow and entered the castle. The dragon looked at me and grunted, "Well, look what the cat dragged in."

It was wrinkled as a prune and old as dirt. I bellowed at it,"My God, you are ugly. You must have fallen out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down!"

It raised its eyebrow, and spit a fireball at me. I fell off my high horse and hit the ground running. A flood of tears leaked from my eyes as the fireball singed my hair. It was hot as hell, and I knew I was in deep shit. My gut reaction was to run away but instead, I raised my sword and charged at it. I was looking death in the eyes, but I laughed in the face of danger and screamed," It's a dog eat dog world, and I am the top dog. You are going down!"

"Well then sir knight, it's on! It's now or never! Come and get me!", the dragon roared. I ducked to the left as a fire ball whizzed past my head. I was ready for this, though. I spent all my life training for this one moment. I felt light as a feather and strong as an ox.

"You are the scum of the earth, go back to where you came from!" I called to it.

"You don't scare me puny human!" He jumped into the sky and hovered over me.

"Look in the sky! It's a bird, no it's a plane! No it's a..." I pointed to the sky behind it. It turned around and I stabbed his belly. If dumb were dirt, he would have been about an acre. It fell from the sky and bit the dust. Once in a blue moon you would find a dragon as dumb as this one was, but not very often. "Ha dragon! Put that in your pipe and smoke it! Now princess, I can save you and we will live happily ever after!" I chortled.

Then suddenly, I felt a hot breath on my neck. I turned around and there was another dragon, twice as large, looking down on me. "You shouldn't count your chickens before they hatch!" It growled.

As they say, when it rains it pours. I lifted my sword and charged!

To be continued...

On The Prowl

It's midnight, the witching hour. You are walking alone along a stream, the moon's reflection shining up at you. You hear a rustle in the bushes to the right of you. You turn, heart in your throat, to see what made the noise. A small black cat walks out of the bush and glances up at you, its eyes glowing like yellow sapphires. You bend down and call to the cat. It stares, then races down to the stream. Worried, you chase after it, but when you almost think you have caught up to it, a giant crow swoops up over your head and perches in the tree above you.

"Strange", you think. The cat is nowhere to be seen. You search for a little while longer then decide to head on your way. It will be fine.

As you make your way up the path, you notice the crow is following you. Kneeling down, you grab a stone. You rush up, and with a great heave, you chuck the stone at the unsuspecting bird. The stone hit's air, the bird gone.

Strange, but you keep walking. You round a bend in the path when you feel a shiver go up your back. You are being watched. You glance around, looking for the source of the feeling, but see nothing. You walk faster, glancing behind you every few steps. Suddenly *Bam*! You trip on a root.

Dusting off your knees, you start to get up, but, standing right in front of you is a pitch black panther. You freeze, and then try to back away slowly. The panther paces, then inches towards you. It snarls, and then pounces!

Screaming, you throw yourself on the ground. You wait for the excruciating pain from its razor sharp claws and teeth, but it never comes. A man screams behind you and a gun is fired. You glance at the source of the noise.

The panther, claws extended, teeth showing was tearing at the man's arm. You see something shine in the moon light. It is a knife. The feeling of being followed had come from this man.

He drops the knife, grips his arm, and runs away, leaving a trail of blood behind him.

The panther looks up; a shiver runs through its body. It stares into your eyes, tilts its head, then bolt's into the bushes.

Now, many animals turn up in this story. A black cat, a crow, and a panther. Imagine if they were all the same being. Well, this is what I want my super power to be.

I can just imagine being able to turn into any animal I wished. Need to get to school? Turn into a hawk and fly. Want to see the bottom of the ocean? Become a fish! Hungry? Transform into a dog and sniff out some food! I would never need to get a job; I could survive off the land.

I want to be able to gallop over fields, run like wind, burrow under the ground, swim for hours on end in the water without needing to take a breath. The possibilities are endless!

I could also enter into dog shows, horse shows, and any other kind of pet contest and win! That would be where I could get my money from.

I could travel the world for free! I would go to 3rd world nations and use my money and powers to try and help the under privileged. Also, sitting on top of the empire state building at sunset would be particularly breathtaking.

All in all, it would be the perfect super power. And who knows? With the way technology is going, one day we may be able to morph into animals. I wait for this day with anticipation!